TTS! = Pure Hypocrisy

You people disgust me. You claim on your front page to be "a forum for anti-authoritarian political opinion, research and humor," but I've rarely, if ever, spotted any major typographical errors in your paper. You've obviously got some sort of system of editing and proofreading going on there, which requires organization, and therefore hierarchy, and therefore authority. Totally not cool!

If you guys were real anarchists, you'd not only fire your editors and proofreaders, you'd intentionally litter your paper with blatant typographical and grammatical errors in order to increase your street credibility, just like I do in my zine, "Burn The Motherfucker Down! And Then Blow It Up!" but you never will, because you'll never be as radical as me.

And what’s with your willingness to capitalize letters? An authentic anti-capitalist never capitalizes--not only is it lame, it’s linguistic hegemony, an obvious symbol of the predominance of the rotten, institutionalized, globe-plaguing, corporate industrial complex.

Maybe you guys should change your name to "Enjoy The State."

--Tristan Tzara, Olympia

Jeff Stevens replies: We are too real anarchists! You're the one who's not a real anarchist! Oh, and by the way, we're also not all "guys." Some of us are, in fact, women. We even let them write in the paper occasionally. So there!

Wise Up, Fakers

Dear "Tweak The State!,"

You got a lotta nerve to call yourself radicals. When I read about your endorsement of Eugene McCarthy over Abbie Hoffman, why, I nearly crashed my motorcycle for real! Luckily, that was all a hoax concocted by the Weather Underground, the Firesign Theatre, and yours truly. You guys, though, wouldn't know how to play a prank on your audience if all the farmers in Cuba depended on it. Why, you guys probably think Muddy Waters is a real low-down blues singer or something. Me, I'm more radical than that--I only listen to Charley Patton records. But then again, hey, what do I know.

Maybe you guys should change your name to "Tweak the Document."

--Bob Dylan, Woodstock, NY

Can’t Love Brie And Your Comrades Too?!

Dear Sir or Madam,

You fucking sellouts! I read on the Internet that you guys are endorsing Cynthia McKinney, the Green Party candidate, for President. What? The? Fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?

Don't you get it? The Green Party are total sellouts, bought and paid for by racist, sexist, fascist, speciesist Corporate Amerikkka. They're no better than the Demokkkrats or the Republikkkans. If you guys were really radical, you'd endorse the Revolutionary Loose Cannon Party candidate for President, namely, my personal hero, Travis Bickle. But you'll never do that because you're not as radical as I am. Why don't you stop calling yourself anarchists and move back to Bellevue, you Brie-scarfing, Chardonnay-guzzling, corporate sellout yuppie phony fuckheads. Jerks!!!

Maybe you should change your name to "Tweak the Arugula!"

Sincerely,

--Grover Cleveland, President, University of Washington College Anarchists