Big Corporations: Why I Don't Like Them

For years now, I've been writing columns about the evils of large, transnational corporations.

Those are the enormous, predatory institutions that make their livelihoods by raping the earth, exploiting labor forces, buying political power, and ripping off people like you and me.

Their policies endanger all humanity, indeed, every living thing on the planet.

I've spent a lot of time writing about them.

But I've never written about why I hate them so much.

After all, it's the system that's the problem. Most people running big corporations are nice people.

They love their families. Their kids play youth soccer, just like your kids.

Their kids also own your apartment complex so that mommy and daddy can teach them about money.

But I digress.

If they're human beings, just like you and me, and it's only the system that's the problem--a system absolutely none of us can do anything about--why bother?

Why waste my breath?

I mean, really.

The answer is simple.

Space aliens.

That's right. Space aliens.

All of my life, I've been visited by space aliens when I sleep.

They share their advanced alien technologies with me. Things so advanced it will take hundreds, maybe thousands of years for us humans to catch up.

If we survive.

Whenever I awaken, I take copious notes.

I underline some things. Capitalize others.

Make intricate sketches. Circles. Arrows.

I now have hundreds of journals meticulously documenting all of my conversations with these wise, super-intelligent creatures.

I can solve the energy crisis instantly. Unlimited water and food for all humanity.

Universal peace? Intergalactic travel? Movement through space and time?

No problem.

But not one big corporation will listen to me.

They don't answer my letters.

They hang up when I call.

They laugh at me.

DON'T THESE BASTARDS KNOW WHAT THEY'RE MISSING????!!!?!?!!!!?!!?

But I'm never going to give up.

I'm going to keep criticizing them until they listen to me.

I'll really show them. I WILL.

JUST YOU WATCH.

I'm going to go take a nap now.

Robert Weissman is editor of the Washington, D.C.-based Multinational Monitor http://www.multinationalmonitor.org> and director of Essential Action http://www.essentialaction.org>. He had nothing to do with this column.