How to Brainwash Your Children
The first thing to do, as soon as your baby is born, is to talk to it like a baby. All the time. Don’t talk softly and happily to your child as if he or she could understand you–it must be a condescending performance. This isn’t the occasional prattish ape-face, nor the soft natural ahhs and wows provoked by baby-flesh; instead a constant discharge of whiney dribbly voice-goo and exaggerated gestures. This gets the baby used to, from moment one, the idea that reality isn’t real. It’s a kind of show. This is an ongoing project, and it won’t be easy because children will initially see through it. But eventually you will be able to convince them that the performance of a feeling is more real than the feeling itself.
The next thing to do is make sure your infant’s awareness is always full of noises, gestures, sounds, colors, and other external stimuli. There are plenty of excellent baby-brainwashing devices on sale now with flashing lights and spinning disks and the like. Of course it’s natural to entertain your baby with fantastic sensory effects; but the aim here is to do it constantly. Repetitive digital sound-effects work well, as do light emitting diodes and bright plastic paint. If they are not around, then chatter, yelps, and faces will do. You might like to consider putting your young kid in a carrier or pushchair that faces out into the streets and then walking through a crowded industrial center or shopping mall.
The point of all this is to persuade the infant that the external world is more alluring than the inner world. Guard against allowing the child to enjoy just sitting there gurgling and muttering with pleasure at nothing more than being in its own body.
As early as possible get your kids watching television and playing computer games. Loud rapidly changing CGI scenes of sanitized fantasy smattered with a patina of formal morality work best. The fundamental message of boys’ stories and games should be acquire, get, amass, and expand. The fundamental message of girls’ stories and games should be accept, agree, conform, and follow. But don’t worry about these messages, it’s fine to have boys worrying about not being accepted and for girls to be anxious because their score is low. The purpose here is to instill worry and anxiety through speeding up the psyche and beaming through it a stream of things to ardently want. The implicit idea that dreams only come true on the video screen won’t do you any harm either.
Next: morality. The key here is to have the greatest disparity possible between what you say and what you do. First of all you should constantly go on about what is right and wrong, what is good and bad, what the child should and should not be doing. Make sure that the child gets the idea that quality, life, justice, and so on are a set of rules to follow and ideas to remember. If a child is misbehaving, having a tantrum, being willfully destructive, lazy, etc., tell the child that it’s wrong. The best thing to do is to bargain with your child. Tell him if he does or doesn’t do one thing he’ll get or lose something else.
Remember: “Speak, don’t act.” If your kid won’t eat the meal you cooked for her, then don’t let her go hungry; tell her she’s being silly, and then let her eat what she wants. The child’s sense of right and wrong will come from your actions, your psychic state and your facial expressions, not from your words, so ideally you should be prone to mood swings, be easily angered, irritated or depressed, or be too repressed to hug, kiss, and play with your child. The child will learn its own neuroses from yours; the important thing for you to do is to cover it up with a series of rules, aims, descriptions, explanations, and other fantasies. Religion works very well here, if you have one, but don’t worry if not, atheism is fine.
All this might be hard at first. Some children seem quite unable to see that long discourses about what is right and wrong are boring and have nothing to do with reality, but they’ll learn, just as soon as they get enough rewards for doing the “right” thing.
To sum up: your child must be a semi-person. It must be fed on anti-food, must watch inauthentic stories and play passive games. It must live with people whose emotions and feelings are self-generated and whose ideas about reality are second-hand. It must be instilled with a series of rules, regulations, facts, and ideas that don’t really connect up. It must live its life in a cycle of anxiety, excitement, and depression. It must be bribed with stimulants and threats, and deceived with performance and ideology. It must be tacitly programmed to follow someone else’s script, never to discover who or what he or she really is. This way, the child is ready to enter society. –Darren Allen. See more of Darren’s writing at www.gentleapocalypse.com.